Maintaining Relationships When You Have Depression

Depression symptoms aren't just hard on the depressed person. They can take a toll on all the people in his or her life. Learn the importance of communication, understanding, and depression support.

By Chris Iliades, MD

Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

Depression symptoms like lack of energy, loss of interest, and withdrawal can make being in a relationship very difficult.Depression can be painful for the depressed person and for people who care about that person.

"A depressed person is very tough to be in a relationship with,” says Irina Firstein, LCSW, a New York City psychotherapist with 20 years of experience treating depression. “There may be no joy or any kind of positive energy coming from them. It is hard to be with someone who is down, dark, and cannot see good in anything. The depressed person may lose interest in normal activities, sex, food, and relationships." Friends, family, and a significant other may have trouble understanding these changes.

The effect of depression on your relationship may depend on who is depressed. Women and men often respond differently to depression. Women tend to experience sadness, guilt, and a lack of self-worth, while men may react to depression with anger, frustration, or even abuse. How depression affects a relationship may also depend on the breakdown of responsibilities at home and work.

Firstein adds that the person in a relationship with a depressed partner often feels alone, helpless, and sometimes even angry. “It is not only that you don't really have a partner, you can feel like you are pushing a boulder uphill. Depression symptoms can make communication difficult.”

Understanding Depression Symptoms

If you have depression, it’s important for you and your loved ones to understand that depression is not anyone's fault. Depression is a medical condition, not a weakness. People who do not understand depression may react with anger or criticism. "I think that people who are depressed usually know it, and it is helpful if they can say to their partner that they are depressed, and that this will pass," says Firstein.

Here are some tips for communicating with loved ones about depression:

• Share your feelings. Keeping your feelings inside creates distance.
• Show you care. Let your loved ones know that even though you are struggling with depression symptoms, you still care about them. If you have lost interest in sex, your partner needs to know that he or she is still desirable.
• Consider family or couples therapy. Your loved ones will learn more about depression, and therapy will reinforce how vital these relationships are for recovery. "It is important for the depressed person's partner to learn about the illness,” explains Firstein. “It is helpful for them to go to the treatment and speak to the psychiatrist or therapist and be informed about progress or lack of it."
• Set realistic expectations. Once your loved ones understand depression symptoms, it will be easier for them to accept that you will be struggling some days. Let them know what you can and can't do, and keep working toward recovery.

How Loved Ones Can Offer Depression Support

Let the people you care about know that you will get better, and ask them to be patient and help you through treatment. Ask loved ones to:

• Offer encouragement and hope.
• Invite you to social activities and to exercise.
• Not push too hard. Comments like "snap out of it" or "get over it" don't help. Depression treatment takes time.
• Take an active role in getting you through treatment, but not try to take over. You may seem overwhelmed, but you need to go at your own speed.
• Never ignore anything you say about ending your life. These thoughts should always be considered significant, and they should tell your doctor or therapist about them even if you don't.

You can overcome relationship difficulties by helping your friends and loved ones understand that depression is a medical condition that will get better with treatment. Depression support is important for the depressed person and it is also important for their family members. For help finding treatment, information, and support, visit the Web site ofMental Health America.

What happened to 8 wealthiest people in the world?

What happened to 8 wealthiest people in the world?

"In 1923, eight of the wealthiest people in the world met. Their combined wealth, estimated, exceeded the wealth of the govt of the United States. These men knew how to make a living and accumulate wealth. 25 years later...

1. President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died bankrupt.

2. President of the largest gas company, Howard Hubson, went insane.

3. One of the greatest commodity traders, Arthur Cutton, died insolvent.

4. President of the New York Stock Exchange, Richard Whitney, was sent to jail.

5. A member of the President's Cabinet, Albert Fall, was pardoned from jail.

6. The greatest "bear" on Wall Street, Jessie Livermore, committed suicide.

7. President of the world's greatest monopoly, Ivar Krueger, committed suicide.

8. President, Bank of International Settlement, Leon Fraser, committed suicide.

They forgot to make a life! Just made Money!

Money provides food for the hungry, medicine for the sick, clothes for the needy, but is only a medium of exchange.

We need two kinds of education. One that teaches us how to make a living and one that teaches us how to live.
People are engrossed in their professional life and neglect their family, health and social responsibilities.

Without water, a ship cannot move. The ship needs water, but if the water gets into the ship, the ship will sink.

Similarly we live in a time where earning is a necessity but let not the earning enter our hearts, for what was once a means of living will become a means of destruction. So take a moment and ask yourself..has the water entered my ship?"

What If Depression Goes Untreated?

Don't let the stigma of mental illness stop you from getting help for depression. Here's what can happen if you don't seek treatment.

By Beth W. Orenstein

Medically reviewed by Lindsey Marcellin, MD, MPH

Many people who experiencedepression are reluctant to get treatment. One of the biggest obstacles to seeking treatment for depression is the stigma of mental illness. Some people may mistakenly believe that it’s shameful to be depressed, says Joseph Shrand, MD, medical director of the High Point Treatment Center in Brockton, Mass., and an instructor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Or they may be afraid that if they seek help, friends and family will see them as weak or inadequate.

But it’s extremely important that symptoms of depression are treated. The consequences of untreated depression can’t be ignored:

• Worsening depression. “There’s no question that untreated depression can lead to longer episodes,” says Peter Kramer, MD, a professor of clinical psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University and author of Against Depression and Listening to Prozac.
• Thoughts of suicide. If you have suicidal thoughts, a common symptom of depression, the risk that you’ll act on them is higher if you don’t seek treatment. When depression is treated successfully with medications and psychotherapy, thoughts of suicide will go away, Dr. Kramer says.
• Other medical conditions. Depression can make other medical conditions you may have more difficult to treat. Research shows that people who have depression die in greater numbers than people who’ve never been depressed, Kramer says.

If you get help when you first recognize depression symptoms, you’ll see positive results quicker, including:

• Feeling better. You’ll return to your normal self sooner and can begin enjoying life again. “If you think your depression will never go away, then you will only feel more depressed,” Dr. Shrand says.
• Fewer episodes in the future. If you seek treatment for depression, you can reduce the risk of it coming back. Antidepressants and psychotherapy, as well as some alternative treatments such as light therapy, will help shorten episodes of depression substantially and help keep you from having more depressive episodes, Kramer says.

How to Get Help for Depression

It’s important that you’re aware of the symptoms of depression and don’t wait until they’re severe to seek help. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to treat and the more time it may take for therapy and medications to be effective, Shrand says.

Symptoms of depression include feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, sleeplessness or sleeping too much, loss of energy or interest in normally pleasurable activities, and withdrawing socially. If you recognize any of these symptoms in yourself or others, seek or suggest professional help.

If you don’t know where to start, ask your family doctor or any other healthcare provider to recommend a mental health professional who can help you, Kramer suggests. Most communities also have mental health centers that can provide free or low-cost assistance, he adds.

Depression Risks Increase When You Stop Treatment

Once you seek help from a mental health professional, it’s important that you stick to the treatment plan that he or she has prescribed. Many people start to feel better and stop taking their antidepressants, Kramer says. That’s one of the worst things to do. “If you stop your medication before you’re supposed to, you substantially increase the risk for depression to come back,” Kramer says.

Don’t let stigma about mental illness, embarrassment over what others might think, or anything else stop you from getting help for depression. Your friends and family would much rather see you happy and healthy, and will be proud that you took the necessary steps to deal with and overcome depression.

Last Updated: 08/30/2012