What Not to Say to a Depressed Person

By Therese Borchard

YOUR REACTION?

There is nothing worse than feeling like a complete utter failure, crying your eyes out, and then a well-intentioned person comes along and says something that, to your ears, sounds like: “You were right! You are, in fact, a loser.” Good intentions or not, the wrong words hurt. Awhile back, I published a piece,  “10 Things Not to Say to a Depressed Person.” Among the no-no’s were:

1. It’s all in your head. You need to think positive.
2. You need to get out of yourself and give back to the community.
3. Why don’t you try and exercise?
4. Shop at Whole Foods and you will feel better.
5. Meditation and yoga are all you need.
6. Get a new job.
7. Are you happy in your relationship?
8. You have everything you need to get better.
9. Do you WANT to feel better?
10. Everyone has problems.

Everyday Health’s Andrea Bledsoe, Ph.D., recently compiled her own list of harmful one-liners to say to persons with bipolar disorder:

1. You’re crazy.
2. This is your fault.
3. You’re not trying.
4. Everyone has bad times.
5. You’ll be okay — there’s no need to worry.
6. You’ll never be in a serious romantic relationship.
7. What’s the matter with you?
8. I can’t help you.
9. You don’t have to take your moods out on me — I’m getting so tired of this.

Still more can be found on Margarita Tartakovsky’s list at PsychCentral.com.

So what, on earth, can you say? I found these responses helpful when I was in buried in depression:

1. Can I relieve your stress in any way?
2. What do you think might help you to feel better?
3. Is there something I can do for you?
4. Can I drive you somewhere?
5. Where are you getting your support?
6. You won’t always feel this way.
7. Can you think of anything contributing to your depression?
8. What time of day is hardest for you?
9. I’m here for you.

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