Hitting even by parents who are caring and loving is wrong. As professionals we should not try to justify it. The Delhi State Education Deptt. Has banned corporal punishment. Really it should apply to parents as well. In certain countries even parents cannot hit.
Renu Malaviya
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone
Dear Alok,
I understand your shock but the parents in question are loving, patient and do all what you mentioned with the child. when I said they hit it it seemed like it was their last resort. they dint bash her as you perceived but hit her on legs with their hand, I am not saying its good but when I put myself in the parents place I feel I may have done the same...... The girl was okay till this year and has changed in the influence of the friends who the parents have tried meeting but the girl doesnt permit. they have met with the parent s of her friends and all the parents are feeling helpless.
the girl is a only child of the family and the mother was her best friend until a year ago as reported by both the daughter and mother.
Thanx
Pallavi
I am shocked to read that parents have tried shouting and bashing up. What a way???? I can only condemn that and feel sorry abt children.
Parents have not been friends, well connected , not given enough time and thus children are now with peers and r under peer pressure and friends influence.
Slowly and systematically parents have to befriend own and then other children. And also try simultaneously how to change the environment / cut off from these friends without making it look obvious / offending them.
One of my neighbor who was busy earning and was leaving child at home after long found her to be in same spot as narrated by you, She made a good ground and shifted to Delhi and started living amongst her good relatives and bought a small shop for this boy and now he is doing a very good business.
Be friending a child = bring good books, cd's, take them to picnics, movies of good types, pravachan/ spiritual discourses, buy a hobby materials, offer them various choices of courses form dance, music, personality development etc but ensure there is a right type of crowd where u r sending ur child. There r some educational institutes which r infested with drug peddlers, flocked by who's who 's children who do lots of show off and expenses on friends but make spoil them too. So one has to be alert where they r sending child. etc etc...
Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya
Dear friends,
I have been seeing a (girl) client who is 14 yrs old, studying in class 10. she is very defiant, steals from home, runs away if punished or shouted at, is not open to counseling. her parents have tried talking to her patiently, punished her, even hit her, nothing helps... her parents say that she was stubborn as a child but was manageable now she has friends who are all like her and these children support each other to gang up against their parents. they encourage their friends to not listen to their parents and help them run away from home if reprimanded. All these kids come from a middle class family with loving and caring parents. I met met 3 of the parents and they all seem to have given up the children threaten suicide if they are tried to disciplined. they steal money, gamble, go to hookah parlours and are addicted to BBM which they say was gifted to them by some friends. when parents tried to question them they run away from home...
The parents seem helpless and want to see their children being responsible and gud citizens.
I feel stuck too and would appreciate your help in this matter.
Warmly
pallavi
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